by Marshall B. Rosenberg.
This book is fantastic !!!!! I even liked it so much that I have bought it as an ebook and as a paperbook. This book should be tought in schools, from kindergarten to university. It shows us how we are brought up thinking in terms of right thinking and wrong thinking, instead of focusing on what our needs are.
I often experience that my words are being misunderstood (and who doesn’t?) and when I voice my opinion, people explode in agression. I have one recent experience of this:
My mother just got married, and as it usually is, there was a wedding dinner and party afterwards. I got to know a little bit one of the guests, and she (let’s call her Elise) was having a bit of trouble with her boyfriend of many years. My mother managed to act and say something stupid, and Elise was fuming in anger when I happen to meet her on the way in to the party premises. I got to know Elise a little bit, and after a while I realized that Elise needed a lot of attention and understanding/loving care. The problem was that she went after that attention in the wrong way, by talking about her views, opinions, acting a certain way and forcing others to acknowledge her, which led to others being angry at her for not taking considerations of others.
So while I was sitting with some of these people, she said something like: “Let’s go, I don’t want to be here”, and she left. And then the other people muttered something badly about her. That was when I opened my mouth and told them: Don’t you see how much she is hurting? She needs understanding and loving care from you.
That’s when the explosion happened, and they got quite aggressive towards me, and I reacted as I do after a while, I stopped talking and just accepted the verbal abuse. They were obviously in so much pain that had accumulated over much time, that the only way to express that pain was by being aggressive, taking the high morale way, saying that I didn’t know what I was talking about etc. In other words, they weren’t able to express their pain, instead they were talking about the “correct way of thinking and acting”, and “she doesn’t deserve any compassion, she got herself into that mess”. This book shows me how to deal with these situations, relieving the pain of others and at the same time avoiding being verbally abused myself.
This books shows how one can deal with any situation, in a way that is beneficial for you and others. As the book title says: A language of compassion. And that compassion extends to our selves. It shows how one can focus ones attention to ones needs instead of focusing on what others did wrong or what “I” did wrong.
I strongly urge everybody (and yes, you who reads this), to read this book. It should be one of the compulsory tools in our toolbox for dealing with life.
Do you hunger for skills to improve the quality of your relationships, to deepen your sense of personal empowerment or to simply communicate more effectively? Unfortunately, for centuries our culture has taught us to think and speak in ways that can actually perpetuate conflict, internal pain and even violence. Nonviolent Communication partners practical skills with a powerful consciousness and vocabulary to help you get what you want peacefully.
In this internationally acclaimed text, Marshall Rosenberg offers insightful stories, anecdotes, practical exercises and role-plays that will dramatically change your approach to communication for the better. Discover how the language you use can strengthen your relationships, build trust, prevent conflicts and heal pain. Revolutionary, yet simple, NVC offers you the most effective tools to reduce violence and create peace in your life?one interaction at a time.