What do I want from a romantic relationship?

I found myself asking this question some months ago. It’s such an easy question, really. How come it took me 31 years before it popped into my head? What was more interesting was that I didn’t really know the answer.

“Oh, but sure I did?”
“Well, did I?”


My expectations were for the most part unconscious, all garbled up by the belief that when I fall in love with my soulmate, that person will be everything I (didn’t) know I wanted. I struggled more with the question if there was a soulmate for me, without a clear concept of what it is. As relationships goes, it was easier to see what I didn’t want. But as I have later realised – it usually had more with some area I needed to learn and grow.

So the time was overdue for figuring out what it is I’m looking for, and I have developed a list of qualities that is important to me.

What people look for in relationships can be so different. Some might seek stability, to have somebody to come home to. Somebody needs “storms” in the relationship, challenges. Or simply a non-challenging, easy relationship. Maybe a lot of romantic gestures to keep the relationship alive. And I would love to hear what other people consider important for them in a relationship.

I put it at the top, even though the list isn’t necessarily prioritized. I want conversations where we can talk about everything, from easy to deep themes and interests, about our personal life’s, ups and downs, mistakes and things we have done right and lessons learned. He must have the ability to see things from several viewpoints, and be able to accept (but not necessarily agree) on other views than his own. I want to be able to share my heart with him, things I go through and that he does the same with me, (try to) communicate what it is we need from the other. Communication is one of the most important things that will connect us, to understand each other and also to work through issues that arises.

I have to be an active person and I need a partner that has the same need. If I don’t get my dose of activities I very quickly become restless, which makes me feel that I have grown stale, which in return makes me in a bad mood. I need to experience new things on a regular basis. So he must like to get out of the house, go on trips, road trips, day trips, hiking, travelling, visit friends and family, watch tv together, eat in restaurants, cinema – you name it.

I need a lot of physical intimacy, he has to be cuddly, like to hold hands, hold me, both in public and in private. And well, sex is not something I’m comfortable writing about, but it belongs in this category.

Attraction must be there, both on a physical and mental level.

There has to be room in the relationship to grow as people, both together and separate. We both must have an understanding and tolerance when we are taking different paths spiritually in life. We will take care of  each other, but it’s important that we both take care of our own interests and friends and maintain a personal side that doesn’t need to involve the partner. We will have the integrity to know and set our limits.

He must be open, natural, generous, faithful, loyal, loving, emotionally available, empathic, share household chores (thank you Ingrid for mentioning that those “small” everyday qualities that one usually don’t think about matters), gentle, kind, have a healthy economic sense. And yes, some romantic gestures now and then.

And how will I know when I meet him? Actually, I mentioned it in a previous post: I want to feel like I have known him for a long time, and that it feels right. And I have to be very attracted to him.

About Haridasi

integrity - the state of being whole, entire, or undiminished.
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