Passionate contradictions


I’m fascinated by people with passion, inspiration, happiness and creativity and everything related to self-improvement. I love reading books regarding these themes and I search for lectures by inspired people. I want so badly to be among these inspired people, I want to be inspired myself. I want to have a passion, a consuming passion that whenever my mind can wander – it goes back to that passion. And somehow this passion will fulfill me, make me think that I’m living up to my potential, doing what I do best and life couldn’t be better.

Photo: Yin Yang by Dominik Klein. License: CC BY-NC-SA 2.0 Link:

Passionate people are passionate about some subject, and that subject can differ wildly. But somehow passionate people makes any subject interesting. My passion is about life. I have so many things I would like to write about. Like how much good leaders doesn’t try to improve their workers, but treat every worker different because the workers itself are different people. How good leadership generates income. I’m passionate about empathy which most people misunderstand. Empathy is the ability to see an issue from several point of views, and both point of views have weaknesses and strong points. Empathy is not the same as sympathy or compassion. I’m strongly against the data retention policy because it invades the private life too much, but at the same time I would like the police to have more access to data traffic information. I just can’t understand why the data retention policy is the only solution being discussed. Why can’t the politicians, the police and everyone come up with a new regulation that gives the police more data traffic, but doesn’t supervize the citizens to the extreme degree that the data retention policy suggests.

I’m passionate about happiness, that is a by-product of doing activities, taking on challenges, dealing with frustration. I’m baffled about how to change. I would like to exercise regularly, but somehow I fall off every time. How do one create permanent change?  I ponder a lot about two qualities that is so important today, social skills and resilience which is necessary in navigating people and challenges that comes up every day.

But I’m lazy. I procrastinate, I’m good at that skill. But the thing is, I’m not lazy. I would like to write about all the things I mention above, but it takes so many hours to generate sensible sentences, maintaining a red thread through my points. I have books and research to support my views sometimes, but it still takes time to find the links and do the research properly. I have so many blog posts where I have started writing, but never completed the entries. And are these things I’m really passionate about?

The thing is, when I look out of my office window – what do I dream of? I dream of hiking the beautiful Norwegian nature. Of days being outside, not dealing with people or at least only experiencing their positive qualities that vacation brings out. No responsibility. I dream of being being physically strong, instead of this body that gets winded just by walking quickly.

The truth is – I couldn’t care less about all the stuff I would like to write about. But I do care about it. I don’t care, and care at the same time. It’s such a strange paradox. It’s so strange that to have some happiness, we have to deal with the negative things holding us back. The bad childhood experiences, people acting badly and hurting us, our own insecurities etc.

When I go home from work, I couldn’t care less about my job, except that I do care. I care about creating and working in a good environment, doing a good job. But at the same time, I couldn’t care less. I don’t believe that anything I say or do have much effect on anyone, except I think it does to a small degree that I will never see or notice.

I don’t like sitting in front of the computer (because I do that 8 hours at work), but at the same time I like doing it.

The thing is, I can live without all those passions. Where is the value in these passions? I don’t have an outlet for these things. So I read about it, and stumbled upon Oprahs “Find your passion” and the quote “You can only become great at that thing you’re willing to sacrifice for” by Maya Angelou. But I don’t have a passion that I’m willing to sacrifice for. Or what does even sacrifice mean? Writing in this blog is certainly a sacrifice (of time), but has no impact. I can try to live up to everything I have written about when it comes to social skills, hiking, exercise etc. but what value does it have for anybody else than me. And I certainly can’t make a living off it.

Further down on the Oprah page  Daniel Pink writes about finding you passion, and the clue is to look at what you already do. Well, I have mentioned what my passions is about, and it still doesn’t generate an income or change my life or the life of other people. I can’t help but think that it’s a load of bullshit with grains of truth in it. I have read his books, Drive and A Whole New Mind, both interesting books I’ve liked.

Having a passion doesn’t equal an income. Most people have a job, a family and ten other things to deal with. Following a passion requires a lot of work and time most people don’t have energy for. I don’t think finding your passion is for most people, though I wish it was for me. I’m just not willing to do the sacrifice according to Maya Angelou. I wish it was that easy. If I had financial freedom, then I could “sacrifice”. And according to Daniel Pink, I guess I’m not “driven” enough or that my passion doesn’t generate enough “drive”, which is true. And the reason to that is more complex than just “follow my passion”, put in the work and get into the state of “drive” and do everything by the book. I guess passion is easy when you have succeeded, but what about the rest of us? Then again, it’s easy to be critical, and more difficult to take a stand, do and believe in something.

Or may be passion is just a too strong a word and what I have is interests, hobbies? Since passion requires sacrifice and something you just “have to do”. If that is the case, then passion really isn’t for most people.

I guess I just will continue to be fascinated by people with passion, inspiration, happiness and creativity. May be it somehow will rub off?


About Haridasi

integrity - the state of being whole, entire, or undiminished.
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