In the US there is a notion of mentors. Apparently, these are people in your professional field you contact for coffee or lunch, and they give advice and help to move you further up the status ladder. I have never heard about such cases here in Norway (or I’m just not running in the right circles). So whenever I need to understand something, I pick up a book on the subject. Books are my mentors, and believe me: there’s a LOT of things I need to understand. But sometimes finding books on what I need to learn is difficult. I keep searching, beginning on books, but no. They didn’t do anything for me.
Then – it happens. I found “Life is in the transitions: Mastering change at any age” by Bruce Feller. I found the one book that explains what I needed to know and it’s like my life naturally course-correct because I have understood what I needed to move forward.
My loss of meaning have been a true life crisis. It followed suit after I stopped working, moved to a place without family and friends, lost my religious faith, and some other personal stuff. In the book, they have called such events nice sciency words like car-crash pileup, monster curveballs and lifequakes. It’s when your life gets disrupted on a larger scale with several massive reorientations happen at the same time. I used to call it midlife-crisis, but after reading the book I now know better. If you ever hear me use that word again and mean it in a serious way: please verbally kick me.
I have had to (and are still in the process) of completely rebuilding my life. Those kinds of actions take a long time because it usually mean you rebuild yourself in the process. Who am I? What do I want? How do I want to act in life? What kind of activities do I need to engage in? What areas in my life makes me miserable, because that’s where I need to put in effort?
These kinds of reorientations takes years and years to figure out and I’m happy to know I’m not alone in being out of sorts for such a long period of times. I am relieved to know that one symptom of going through a massive lifequake is loss of meaning. It’s a natural consequence of a life upended. I had no idea that loss of meaning is normal, I thought I was an anomaly.
The author of the book lists seven points that people use to move through transitions, where one can employ several of them.
One of those points is: “Create it: Try new things”. Sometimes there is some happy coincidences. I have always loved creativity, but my kind of creativity is usually connected to intellectual pursuits. So when Udemy had a sale on courses I jumped on something that I have had an interest in for a long time:
I have begun to learn Astrology…..
It’s frivolous and ridiculous…. and I kinda love it.
It’s frivolous and ridiculous…. and I kinda believe in it.
Yeah… it’s an interest of mine and it’s something I’m running with right now. It makes no sense, and I’m having so much fun doing it. It’s a bit embarrassing to admit out loud, but I will still keep doing it. I guess it will fit in nicely with my diploma in Aromatherapy and Master of IT degree.
Astrology is not a science, it’s an art form. So I’m just practicing my art. And its an art form that requires me to have printed out the ephemeris tables and I just find it so above cool to have on my desktop. It gives that sciency feeling, you know…. 😉
And that is the point; sometimes life takes me on this ridiculous paths and I have no idea why it happens. It makes no sense to me. Moving to Karmøy has been one of those experiences where I completely don’t understand what I’m doing here. Seriously, what am I doing here?
The answer: Growing roots it seems. Me… settling down. No wonder I need Astrology to balance out my fire. But when you are in the beginning, middle or even the aftermath of a lifequake it’s impossible to make sense of it. You can only make sense of it after you have navigated yourself through it… or you have a book that explains everything you are going through and all the steps necessary. Btw, this would be the point “Tell it: Compose a Fresh Story”.
And I have decided that is what my move to Karmøy is about: I’m in the beginning of my life story where I’m growing roots.
“Everybody agrees that a story begins with some breach in the expected state of things,” write Jerome Bruner, the pioneer of narrative psychology. “Something goes awry, otherwise there’s nothing to tell about. The story is the tool to resolve this breach.
From Life is in the transitions
This book made me define why I’m in Karmøy. I have thought of my stay here as me wasting my life, but making my son happy. Redefining that statement into me growing roots give my life in this place purpose – meaning. Exactly what I am in need of. It creates a story where my life is exactly where I’m supposed to be. I’m doing what I am supposed to be doing. I have redefined my choice to move here from mistake to purpose. I changed my narrative. What a gift that book gave me.
A problem shared is a problem halved.
From Life is in the transitions